Maybe

The thing about sex is, even though it is supposed to be wonderful and beautiful and make you feel all alive and shit... well, sometimes... you're just left feeling afterward like you're in a deeper, darker hole than you even knew. And crawling out seems impossible.

But maybe I have just a bit of a foothold now. We'll see.

All my life I have felt pretty much invisible. It seemed that people rarely noticed my presence, much less my absence. On the rare day that someone stops to tell me they have wondered about me on occassion, as Bliatz recently did, I get that flush of validation that comes with being noticed, with being seen, with being remembered.

There's a boy at my new gym who has noticed me. A few weeks ago he came up to me on the eliptical thing and said hello. Oh, I guess we're interrupting each other to say hello now I thought and realised he must of been saying hello for days, maybe weeks, without my really noticing him much.

The next day I asked him his name. And after a few more questions I realised he doesn't speak much english. I think I even speak more spanish than he does english, which really isn't saying much.

Anyway. Yesterday he came up to me and whispered in my ear "you are beautiful." In perfect english.