On Why I'm Agnostic

Theism is a deep-seated conviction that there's some hand to hold: if we just do the right things, someone will appreciate us and take care of us. It means thinking there's always going to be a babysitter available when we need one. We all are inclined to abdicate our responsibilities and delegate our authority to something outside ourselves. Nontheism is relaxing with the ambiguity and uncertainty of the present moment without reaching for anything to protect ourselves.

from "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron


I guess this is just what being human is all about. You long for that hand to hold while secretly suspecting that ultimately there is none and all that is left is to submit to what is. I know it sounds sort of new agey and woo woo, but for me being a sub touches on that mystical experience. When I'm naked and exposed and at the mercy of my lover I can't help but to think that it is in the act of giving myself over to the unknown that I am part of something bigger than me, something that will care for me and make sure my needs are met even when I don't know what they are.