On Being Special
I've been thinking about putting this blog to rest. I seem to have lost the drive that spurred me on. The past few months I come here, draft a few words, but rarely post. I'm not sure if has served its purpose and I'm ready to move on or if something has dried up. I don't feel stuck as much as just empty. Not depressed empty. Just empty. The bowl is empty. You know? I'm not ready to quit just yet though. I keep thinking my enthusiasm just might get renewed once again. We'll see.
A few weeks back I hit a rough spot with Papi. He went on a date, two dates with the same woman actually, the last time he visited. It wasn't so much the jealousy that got to me . Jealousy I can deal with. Like a bitchy neighbor I just smile and nod and say have a pleasant evening Ms. Jealousy. But when I learned that Lilo, a perfectly sweet and wonderful woman, wanted to continue seeing my Papi as his new submissive I was thrown for a loop. It isn't that Papi and I have an exclusive thing. I'm under no illusions there. Nor did we have any kind of agreement he wouldn't have any other lovers in my town, or other lovers in general who were submissive. But something about the combination of Lilo being in my city and being a sub, well . . . I just felt deflated and washed up. What can I say? It was as though my specialness was gone. Here was a woman who was offering what had heretofore been my special offering and she was all shiny and bright and new.
Anyway. I guess we've sort of worked it out now. But I must say I still feel all old and tattered. Maybe that's a good thing. Like a favorite pair of tattered old sweat pants that you always come back to. But right now I feel like the thing that's gonna get shoved in the back of the closet and ignored until one day he stops to ask himself where did those comfy old sweatpants go?
A few weeks back I hit a rough spot with Papi. He went on a date, two dates with the same woman actually, the last time he visited. It wasn't so much the jealousy that got to me . Jealousy I can deal with. Like a bitchy neighbor I just smile and nod and say have a pleasant evening Ms. Jealousy. But when I learned that Lilo, a perfectly sweet and wonderful woman, wanted to continue seeing my Papi as his new submissive I was thrown for a loop. It isn't that Papi and I have an exclusive thing. I'm under no illusions there. Nor did we have any kind of agreement he wouldn't have any other lovers in my town, or other lovers in general who were submissive. But something about the combination of Lilo being in my city and being a sub, well . . . I just felt deflated and washed up. What can I say? It was as though my specialness was gone. Here was a woman who was offering what had heretofore been my special offering and she was all shiny and bright and new.
Anyway. I guess we've sort of worked it out now. But I must say I still feel all old and tattered. Maybe that's a good thing. Like a favorite pair of tattered old sweat pants that you always come back to. But right now I feel like the thing that's gonna get shoved in the back of the closet and ignored until one day he stops to ask himself where did those comfy old sweatpants go?
posted by Curious Pussy at Thursday, April 06, 2006
7 Comments:
cp
Babe.. *kisses*
It's your blog.. for you.
I'd miss you, if you decide to go.. and I'm sure others will too.
What you are NOT is comfy old sweatpants.
C'mere, cp.. let me spank that sweet ass of yours..
*thwack*
*kisses*
charon xox
Have you check out Penis Enlargement options at MensNiche?
They give you the option of an traction device, pills to enlarge, and also exercises - I would check them out.
For what it's worth... *hugs* I would miss your voice, no matter how infrequent it is.
I would miss you too CP... We all have moments when we lose enthusiasm. Look at my posting history and you can see that. That is the difference between being a real person expressing themselves and a corporate entity... And that is ok... Hang in there.. take your time. Relax and come back to us refreshed... Kisses!
Enjoyed reading your thoughts..I know it must be in the archives somewhere...where did the name Papi come from?
Papi? I guess it just came to me. He just is mi papi is all.
c.p.
CP...I spent over an hour early this morning reading various portions of your blog. First of all you're a good writer..don't lose that. I flew from the east coast to the west on Monday, awoke early due to time change and checked a blog I often read due to the early morning hours, I was awake. I was surprised when I realized how long I had been reading various portions of your blog. I know what it's like to feel alone..and to have the deep desire to be sexual with someone. Your ability to just let go, sexually, is a gift. Maybe it doesn't feel like you just let go?
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