Love Bugs of the Undesirable Kind
Turns out Tea Boy's std test came back positive for HSV 2. Which wasn't a big surprise. He warned me he suspected it would. It was still a hard thing to take in. I felt sad and cheated and irrationally pissed off. But the good part of it is that it has forced me to better educate myself and take my health more seriously. I've learned so much already. Here I thought I was being so safe, but really I was more focused on HIV. I had no idea you could contract HSV even if you were using a condom, and I was only vaguely aware that you could contract it when the infected partner was asymptomatic. And I didn't have a clue that having herpes when you are pregnant can be quite serious, particularly if you have an outbreak during labor (in which case you get an automatic c section).
But Tea Boy has been great. We've been talking a lot and being very careful not to do anything risky until I've made a clear decision about what level of risk I'm willing to accept. If I weren't wanting to get pregnant it would be less of a question since HSV isn't that big a deal save for the social stigma you have to deal with in the dating scene. But it sounds like the majority of the population is already infected anyway - they just don't realize it and probably wouldn't bother to get tested to find out for the sake of their potential partners. God, people are such idiots. I was saddened to learn that Tea Boy had had unprotected sex even after being (knowingly) exposed to HSV. I guess he wasn't really thinking. But it makes me sad that even the ones who are thinking (like myself) sometimes don't think enough (like myself).
Anyhow, do any of you have any experience with this? I would especially love to hear about experiences being pregnant with HSV or just about dealing with dating and HSV. Or if you've struggled with the decision about what level of risk you were willing to accept when having sex with an infected partner.
And, for those of you who don't know, here's a few important facts to know:
You can get herpes even if you are using a condom. You can get herpes even if your partner has NEVER had a symptom (like Tea Boy). HSV 1 and 2 can present either orally or genitally (ie, cold sores either place means it could be either HSV 1 or 2). You can spread HSV 1 and 2 both orally and genitally (ie, you can spread either kind of herpes through oral sex). Lecture portion of this post over.
Oh, by the way, Tea Boy and I are going to the coast this weekend. The beach, a rustic cabin, a fire place, and Tea Boy - what else could a girl ask for? And then Papi is coming next week and I get him for almost a whole week. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now!
Oh, and furthermore, Diva is coming to the coast with us. Yea for the incredible indestructible mutt!
But Tea Boy has been great. We've been talking a lot and being very careful not to do anything risky until I've made a clear decision about what level of risk I'm willing to accept. If I weren't wanting to get pregnant it would be less of a question since HSV isn't that big a deal save for the social stigma you have to deal with in the dating scene. But it sounds like the majority of the population is already infected anyway - they just don't realize it and probably wouldn't bother to get tested to find out for the sake of their potential partners. God, people are such idiots. I was saddened to learn that Tea Boy had had unprotected sex even after being (knowingly) exposed to HSV. I guess he wasn't really thinking. But it makes me sad that even the ones who are thinking (like myself) sometimes don't think enough (like myself).
Anyhow, do any of you have any experience with this? I would especially love to hear about experiences being pregnant with HSV or just about dealing with dating and HSV. Or if you've struggled with the decision about what level of risk you were willing to accept when having sex with an infected partner.
And, for those of you who don't know, here's a few important facts to know:
You can get herpes even if you are using a condom. You can get herpes even if your partner has NEVER had a symptom (like Tea Boy). HSV 1 and 2 can present either orally or genitally (ie, cold sores either place means it could be either HSV 1 or 2). You can spread HSV 1 and 2 both orally and genitally (ie, you can spread either kind of herpes through oral sex). Lecture portion of this post over.
Oh, by the way, Tea Boy and I are going to the coast this weekend. The beach, a rustic cabin, a fire place, and Tea Boy - what else could a girl ask for? And then Papi is coming next week and I get him for almost a whole week. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now!
Oh, and furthermore, Diva is coming to the coast with us. Yea for the incredible indestructible mutt!
posted by Curious Pussy at Thursday, March 02, 2006
8 Comments:
Sorry c.p., I don't have that much advice to give..
[he had unprotected sex after knowingly being exposed to HSV?]
Except to say..
Yeah.. For Diva, the indestrucible mutt!
Charon! I've missed you! I'm so glad to see you again!
Yeah, he did. Not to make excuses for him but he hadn't had any symptoms and he hadn't been tested and, well, he isn't proud of it now either. All I can go on is his honesty and upstandingness now (that he told me he had been exposed and he got tested and he's been more cautious than even I when it comes to sexual contact). But yes, it does give me pause and makes me a bit, well, sceptical. But what else is new? I'm always sceptical.
The beast and I send lots of well wishes to you and Diva. Enjoy the beach.
I've been dropping by, cp.. leaving the odd comment here and there.. as I do..
Sceptical is good.. but then it's also good that he's been upfront on this too.
You know what comes next, cp.. trust your instinct, babe. :)
Thanks for the reminder Charon. I was just saying to a friend earlier today why is it I always forget to remember to trust my instinct? Seems it is a lesson I have to learn over and over for some reason. Maybe in some past life I didn't trust my instinct and hurt someone badly. I hope I don't do any harm to anyone (myself included) this time around.
Glad to know you're still lurking around here. Gives me comfort.
Ledemure - Thanks for the well wishes. Diva and I just got back from the beach where she chased down two little white fluffy bite sized bits of dogs and then limped all the way back to the car. I didn't even try to stop her she was having so much fun!
c.p.
First time visit today, but I do have lots of experience with HSV. I contracted it sometime when I was about 20 (42 now), when safe sex was your girlfriend on the pill.
It is a stigma thing, except as you say, for the pregnancy issue. My wife was shaken when she learned that I have it when we began to date. She did the whole self-education routine and found the same information as you did. Asymptomatic shedding is a possibility, as is transmitting even with condoms. However, the most important thing for a committed relationship is to be very self-aware.
Each one of us has certain signs that indicate an outbreak is coming on. When the infection is relatively new and the outbreaks are worse, you need to tune into these signs. They will come back in different intensities and may vary from one outbreak to another. When you notice them, you don't fuck around - no sex until you are certain of yeah or nay. My signals include prickly itchiness and a feeling like I have a bruise around the pereneum.
Asymptomatic is tough, but my understanding is that it is less common the longer you have lived with the virus. Likewise, the longer you have had it, the less the frequency of outbreaks. I am probably in the once every year to year and a half cycle now.
As for partners, once I learned that I had the virus, I never spread it. Unfortunately this means that the way it was confirmed that I had it (after being tested negative despite symptoms) was when my then girlfriend got it.
The virus tends to localize, since it lives in the nervous system and travels from home base to the outbreak site via the nerves. Women may have the worse of it, since they can be infected internally. This can lead to urinary pain, apparently because the lesions allow the ureic acid to touch inflamed nerves.
As for pregnancy, you have it pegged. However, we were very upfront with my wifes ob/gyn and she was helpful with perspective and information. My wife had a blood test when she was approaching term to check for trace (enzymes? proteins? I can't remember) that are left in the weake of infection. This came up negative and the dr. was happy to let her have a natural child birth -- unfortunately our son was breach and that meant c-section in the end anyway.
We have been together for five years now and she still doesn't have it. We are trying for child number two and anticipate that barring something unforeseen, it will be a natural birth.
Obviously there is more than can be said in one small piece, but my message would be to be careful, ask questions, test, but know that if you were to contract it and have an outbreak, the c-section is there and will protect your baby. Does anyone really want a c-section? (I know some do) Just because your partner had it doesn't mean you do or will and it doesn't mean that you will have to have a c-section -- chances are very high that you will not.
Hope this helps.
Thanks Faeroe for stopping by and sharing your perspective. It was very helpful and very hopeful. If you stop by again I have two questions for you 1) do you and your wife do anything when not trying to conceive to reduce the risk of spreading? Also, you said:
"Unfortunately this means that the way it was confirmed that I had it (after being tested negative despite symptoms) was when my then girlfriend got it."
Did you mean to say that you had a false negative test? I thought those were very unlikely.
Congrats on your success conceiving (I hope I am as lucky) and good luck with the second!
c.p.
herpes is activated by certain foods, you should know what they are so you can control outbreaks. A certain amino acid helps the herpes virus replicate itself and thus give you breakouts. Find the amino acid, find the foods that contain it, and no more outbreaks. Simple. Great.
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